im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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