i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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