Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize