Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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