Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The Olympian is in my bed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize