The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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