$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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