i think my tv is drunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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