So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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