party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ketchup is God's man juice
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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