I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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