the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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