Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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