I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize