I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
please don't ironically join a cult
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