and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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