I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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