Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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