Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize