have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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