I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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