i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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