this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dear god my vagina.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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