Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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