she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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