Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
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well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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