just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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