Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize