I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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