i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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