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Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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