My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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