So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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