OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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