yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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