then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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