Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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