Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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