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yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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