it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize