It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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