If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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