O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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