I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Randomize