About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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