I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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