You're my little dorito
My friends, they love my intelligence
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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