you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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