I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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