Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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